Things need to change.  

There are things that inspire me, things that get me thinking.  Thinking about where I am and what I'm doing.  When I ask myself those questions, the answers are usually nowhere and nothing important.  It's frustrating because those aren't the answers I want.  I want more.
It's frustrating because I know that 'more' is within my grasp, or at least it should be.  
I am not awesome.  I'm not doing awesome things, I'm not being an awesome person.  But I know I could be.  I should be.

I'm typing here because I have no where else to go.  I'm typing here because if I wrote this down on a piece of paper, no one would read it.  And let's face it, I need attention just like everyone else.
I'm typing here because this place, this community, was something that used to be a fairly large part of my life.  It gave me purpose.  I created things for others to see, for others to judge me based on.
I know that those creations really should be for myself, a personal endeavor, a way to express myself no matter the apparent quality of the work (and once again, let's face it..most of it was not what I would call high quality.  Most of it did not take the effort that real artwork does).  But I suppose, in a way, it WAS for myself.  I used it as a way to get reactions from anyone randomly tripping over it on the internet, and many members of this site who chose to watch and judge many of my creations, whatever they were worth.
Truth is, I find it difficult to put effort into creating anything when I know that it won't be paraded in front of others, under their scrutiny.  I dislike cooking a delicious meal when I'm the only one to taste it.  I never draw or paint or write unless I feel I can make something impressive enough to be WORTH showing..which is rare.
I was proud, but not in a way I wanted.
I type this here because I feel I should start creating again.  Not just for the attention (though I feel I need it), but because when I have something to focus on, life takes on more meaning.  When I have something I can pour my feelings and thoughts into, it makes me feel like I COULD maybe be awesome.  I have to have something important to occupy my time.
Maybe if i start creating again, and maybe if i post it here...
Maybe I'll find the motivation to do other things as well.  Maybe I'll exercise consistently, practice playing my guitars, go for more walks, take more pictures...
Maybe, just maybe, I'll do more great things that I want to do.  

I want to do impressive things.

Change is necessary.